Moving Towards Aligned Motherhood
Mom life is a whirlwind, isn’t it?
From navigating those prenatal or early postpartum days to juggling the household, daycare drop offs, school activities and everything else in between, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, disconnected and lose sight of ourselves as women.
It’s almost too easy to put everyone else’s needs in front of our own. Trigger warning: If you watched your own Mom do this time and time and again, chances are you do it too and carry very high expectations of yourself to be of service to others. And if you didn’t watch your Mother do this, because she was absent (physically or emotionally), then you might feel even more inclined and determined to neglect your own needs out of fear of recreating your own childhood and causing “harm” to your kids. Either way we don’t easily give ourselves permission to shine a light on ourselves or consider that we too have needs. And if we do (even if briefly) we immediately feel guilty or judge ourselves in the process.
Now it is also not as black or white as I am describing it to be here. There are many factors that play into our conditioning and behavioural patterns, and you may find that your experience does not resonate with the examples above, but yet you still have a hard time making your needs a priority and you still feel that Mom guilt that literally every Mom experiences in one way or another.
What’s going on behind the scenes?
As we run on auto-pilot for everyone else, as we are so naturally inclined to do as Mamas, some other things are at play behind the scenes. As I have shared previously in- You can Stop Hustling and Still Matter, this may occur because we are used to the nature of the hustle, the grind and so in general have a hard time slowing down and derive our worth from doing. For a lot of us, the more we do, achieve or boxes we check, the better we feel about ourselves. Although this satisfaction doesn’t last long because we will inevitably need to keep doing or chasing the next thing. What we do, including how we are of service to others may be so intimately tied to our worth- and ultimately how we mother.
It is also what our culture expects from us as Moms. If you think about it, it really just seems bonkers to even try to keep up with all you “need to know and do” as a Mom today in 2024 to raise healthy and happy kids- feeding, sleep training, the right amount of fruits/veggies (organic?), not too much sugar, enough outdoor time or exercise, limits on screen time, giving them enough independence, but maybe not too much, giving them both support and space to navigate their big emotions, while also trying to make sure they aren’t being assholes to other kids, and hoping that you have instilled the right core values for them to carry into adulthood. The list could go one. Frankly, there are just too many “rules” for what we perceive it means to be a good Mom. And unfortunately this leaves more room to judge and criticize ourselves, and experience more guilt about what do or don’t do and shame about who we are or are not as a Mom.
The trouble is when caught up in the “rules,” self-imposed expectations or husting for everyone else, we are on a slippery slope towards Mom burnout.
Can we talk more about Mom Burnout for a second? If any of the following resonate, you might be right in the eye of the storm when it comes to Mom burnout and not even realize it:
Feeling easily overwhelmed by daily tasks and responsibilities.
Feeling exhausted all of the time even when you are getting sleep.
Feeling “touched-out” and wanting space from your kids or partner.
Feeling more sensitive, sad, angry or irritable.
Feeling resentful towards your partner.
Low patience and quick to snap at your kids or partner.
Having judgemental or critical thoughts about how you show up in your parenting role.
Numbing out with distraction like Tv, or scrolling on your phone.
Neglecting self-care and personal needs.
Feeling disconnected from yourself or loved ones.
AND feeling GUILTY about all of the above and then the cycle repeats.
What is Mom GUILT? Simply, Mom guilt = being a Mom + feeling experiences of guilt
Let’s break this down for a second. When referencing the meaning of guilt what do we know? Guilt is the experience of feeling that we have done something wrong. And so immediately I ask next…does having needs of your own mean you have done something wrong? This hits hard for many Mamas every time, including myself when I catch myself forgetting the answer to this very question. NO Mama it does not.
Affirm: I have done nothing wrong by having needs of my own.
I have done nothing wrong by having the experience that was mine.
So what are we to do? What can we do?
Is it even possible to shift how we think, feel and act as a Mama? As a Woman? First if you are experiencing any of the above burnout warning signs, you might be in clear need of support and you are not alone. I personally have felt a few of these all at once and still do on occasion, which now serves as a direct cue to seriously check-in with myself. Usually the answer lies in refocusing some of my attention back to self to help me honour what I need and then the rest of life seems to flow a little more easily. Why? Simply put, listening to and having the courage to carry out my needs moves me towards alignment.
If what I am sharing so far is resonating, I strongly encourage that you read the next paragraph.
What does it mean to be in Aligned Motherhood?
What if you could shift how you think about and experience Mom guilt or other judgements and expectations that get in the way? Alignment is the conscious act of matching our beliefs, values and actions with our inner truth and essence. A space where we actually consult ourselves and our hearts and take authentic action from this place. For a deeper dive into reflections about authenticity, read this next- What is Authenticity? When we experience high-level self-alignment, there is less discrepancy between our actual self and the kind of person we wish to be.
I believe that aligned motherhood is really about integrating the above with the ability to love ourselves boldly. Doing for everyone else has been the norm, but I think we’ve had it wrong all this time. Often what we owe ourselves truly, is what we so easily can give to others, to our children. Being able to acknowledge and tune into your own needs is not selfish, it is not wrong, it is BOLD. Being bold is having the courage to parent yourself like you parent your kids. It’s about bridging that gap between how you show up for them, and then yourself, until it is one and the same.
Are you noticing signs of Mom Burnout or feeling ready to step into a space of aligned motherhood? I am hosting a workshop exclusively for Moms.